


Close Calls

by Deannie



Series: Near Misses [2]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-01-09
Updated: 1996-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-01 16:24:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fallout from Near Misses causes Scully to finally reveal her pain to her partner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Calls

**Author's Note:**

> This is the followup story to Near Misses.

She wanted him to go home. Desperately. She wanted him to just drop the bag he'd insisted on carrying, and leave. But she knew it wasn't going to happen. She also knew that if he stayed, she'd end up saying things she dearly wished not to say. 

After four days of recuperation at SF Gen, Dana Scully was finally home. All she wanted to do this afternoon was sleep. She sure as Hell did not want to have the conversation she'd been avoiding since Monday. 

She turned to her partner with a wan smile, her tired face marred by vivid bruises. "Thanks for the ride." She hoped he heard the finality in her voice. 

He heard it all right, but he wasn't leaving. Whatever was bothering her, he needed to know. "Scully, we have to talk." 

She closed her swollen eyes briefly. "Can we do this some other time? Please?" 

"You've been avoiding it all week, Scully," he said quietly. "We _have_ to talk." 

Her answering sigh was painful, and he winced at it. "Scully, please?" He took her silence as acceptance, and put down her overnight bag. 

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" 

She feigned misunderstanding. "I didn't know Lorry was after me, Mulder. Trust me, I was as surprised as you were." 

He shook his head. "That's not what I mean, and you know it, Scully. You were keeping secrets from me. The accident, the phone calls. Damn it!" he said, anger flaring. "You knew he was after you and you didn't tell me!" 

"What would you have done?" she asked quietly. 

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know, but--" 

"You don't know," she stated, almost coldly, her own anger--the anger she'd been holding in for far too long now--bubbling to the surface. "You don't know? Well I know what you would have done, Mulder. You would have played the overprotective brother again." She slammed her handbag down on the table next to her. "You would have treated me like some fragile little doll you were afraid to let out of your sight for fear that she'd break into a thousand little pieces! Just like you've been doing all along. Ever since I came back!" She turned on him. "I'm sick of you trying to protect me, Mulder!" 

"Why haven't you told me this before now?" he asked into the sudden silence. 

She glared at him. "Because you would have done exactly what you're doing now," she cried, tossing a frustrated hand toward his face. "You'd give me that puppy-dog face and pretend that you could make everything all right!" Her turn from him was abrupt. "Well you can't make it all right, Mulder. You can't fix it!" 

He watched her back for a moment, fearing to reach out and touch her, too worried to leave. It took a long time for him to find his voice. "I just don't want to see you hurt, Scully," he said finally. 

She barked a sarcastic laugh. "How much more could you see, Mulder? Hmm?" She turned on him, counting off on her fingers as she railed. "Let's see... During the past two years, I've been beaten, kidnapped, shot, held at gunpoint--held at _knife_ point--stuffed in a trunk, stabbed through the throat--" She held out her hands in angry exasperation. "How much more is there to see!?" 

He watched as her head dropped tiredly, waiting for her to cool down a bit, searching for the right thing to say. Finally he said simply, "You're my partner, Scully." 

She brought her head up to stare at him, furious, and when she spoke, her voice was colder than he had ever heard it. "Yes, Mulder. You're my partner. It's your job to _watch_ my back--not _hover over_ it." 

"If I had been hovering," he returned, shame and guilt making his voice a whisper, "Lorry could never have gotten to you." 

"So it's _your_ fault!" She sneered at him meanly. "You know, Mulder, you amaze me. I'm surprised your back doesn't break, with all the guilt you throw on it." She whirled around, stalking across the room to stare out the window. "I'm a big girl, Mulder. I can take care of myself." 

As much as he had tried to stay calm and let her vent, her anger had infected him, and the words were out of his mouth before he could censor them. "Like you did with Lorry? With Pfaster?" 

She stood stock still in the deadly silence, and it seemed an eternity before she turned her head to stare at him incredulously. "I'm right, aren't I?" she asked, frighteningly serious. "You honestly think I can't take care of myself." She snorted in disbelief. "After all the Hell I've survived in the last two years... What?" she asked, turning fully to face him. "Do you just keep me around so you can get me out of trouble? So I can be the one woman in your life you _can_ save?" She advanced on him angrily, her voice dropping to a vicious growl. "Well I'm sick of standing in for Samantha, Mulder." She turned away just as suddenly, instantly exhausted. "I'm sick of being helpless," she whispered quietly. 

He stood for a moment and watched her, trying to understand--to make _her_ understand. "Scully...?" 

"Go away, Mulder," she said. "I've said _way_ too much... Just go away." 

He couldn't leave--she hadn't said _enough_ yet. Hadn't got out all the fear, all the anger. If he left now, she'd cool down, close back up into her shell. In a few days, she would have convinced herself that this outburst had never happened. Until the next time... 

He could take the yelling, could take the insults. What he couldn't take was the silence. Not anymore. He'd let it go on too long as it was. 

"Scully?" he asked finally. "Do you trust me?" She didn't move. "Will you believe me when I tell you that I wouldn't have trusted you with my life for the past two years if I didn't _know_ that you could take care of yourself?" 

She took in a deep, shuddering breath, and still she stayed silent. 

"You're angry because I try too hard," he ventured, receiving silence for his answer. "I try too hard to keep you safe, and you resent it." He waited a moment, finally closing his eyes against her silence. "You are my friend, Scully. That's why I try so hard. Scully, please... please. Talk to me." 

He couldn't say anymore. Now all he could do was wait. 

After what seemed hours, she turned to face him again, no longer angry at him. Angry at herself, at her weakness. Angry, and very, very tired. "I can't stand feeling so helpless... I can't stand feeling like you _have_ to protect me--like I can't do it myself." She sighed coldly. "I can't just go from one close call to the next anymore, Mulder. I can't wait in one more hospital, can't watch one more person die..." She closed her eyes against the tears. "Janis died because of me, Mulder. How can I live with that? How can I go on, blundering into dangerous situations, never knowing if I'm going to make it out--if _you_ are?" She opened her eyes and shook her head, her hair falling into her face as she fought not to cry. 

"You told me once that you loved this job," he said quietly. "Do you love it enough any more to take those chances?" 

She shook her head again, her voice something less than a whisper. "Not if it meant watching another friend die." She looked up at him finally. "Not if it meant losing you." 

He put a gentle hand to her face. "You will _never_ lose me, Dana." The tender smile was enough to stop her tears. "Not if you're always there to watch my back." 

* * *  
The End

FANDOM: The X-Files  
RATING: PG  
ORIENTATION: Gen 


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